On this beautiful Shabbat morning, instead of going to Tot Shabbat, I took my daughters on a long walk though our neighborhood. We were carrying (and thereby violating the Sabbath) fifty empty bags given to us by the local Survival Center, a food pantry for the many in our community who are in need. Our job was to leave the bags on people’s doorsteps; next Saturday our mailman will pick up bags that are, we hope, filled with non-perishable foods. (His turn to violate the Sabbath. Oh never mind, he’s Catholic.)
my favorite wedding gift
This felt like a wonderful, albeit non-traditional, way to spend shabbat – engaged in an act of tzedakah. Up to this point, I don’t think I’ve paid sufficient attention to teaching my children about the concept of tzedakah. While we have a beautiful tzedakah box (made by local potter and friend, Emmett Leader) where we put change on a regular basis, it’s not something we’ve built any kind of family ritual around. My husband and I regularly make modest contributions to various causes, but again, we haven’t included the girls in this practice, or even mentioned it to them. It’s not oversight so much as not knowing how to approach this issue in a developmentally appropriate way. After all, neither of my children has any real understanding of money. They see no difference between the large “savings coins” from the local supermarket (which, contrary to what the ad campaign might lead you to believe, are worth absolutely nothing), silver dollars, and the dish of international currency culled from my husband’s international travels. How can giving money be meaningful when money itself is meaningless?
So collecting food for the survival center felt like a tangible way to start our family on the path to a richer relationship to tzedakah. The girls loved running up to each house and finding a secure place to leave the bag, and we even met some of our neighbors for the first time. Still, I had a hard time figuring out how to frame what we were doing as a Jewish activity, even though I wanted to. Their non-Jewish preschool visits the same Survival Center each year, and engages the older children in a small fundraising program that emphasizes the importance helping those who are less fortunate. I’d like to help instill in them a connection to social justice that isn’t purely secular. Unfortunately, all I could come up with was (rather lamely) mentioning every now and then that they were doing a big mitzvah.
Later this week, we’ll go to the store to fill up our own bag, and perhaps I’ll think of a more sophisticated way to connect our giving to being Jewish. Or maybe the important thing is just to get them in the habit of giving, and not worry so much about what label we attach to the practice. I just don’t know. Add your comments and let me know what you think. Please?
i love this. i think that each act adds onto another. they will eventually get it with the buildup over time….
and thanks for the reminder that next saturday is stamp out hunger! it’s one of my favorite things. i never thought of getting my neighbors involved by giving out bags. last year i was the only one in my ‘hood who did it and i actually felt bad for my mail carrier because he had to shlep my bag!
keep up the great tzedakah education for the kid and everyone else involved…
for some great ideas see:
http://www.mitzvahheroesfund.org
http://www.dannysiegel.com
enjoy.
arnie draiman
http://www.draimanconsulting.com
The bag distribution is organized by the Survival Center – the bags are donated by Stop and Shop, and are printed with directions about the food drive what kinds of foods are most needed. They mobilize volunteers all over town to distribute the bags. I hope it helps encourage participation in Stamp Out Hunger.
Wow, I’ve been struggling with this exact issue – could’ve written your post. Thanks for sharing how you’re navigating teaching your little ones about tzedakah.
Your blog is great – will be following from now on!
We once tried to get really organized about this and decided to let each member of the family pick an organization to donate to for each Shabbat. 2 adults, 2 kids- it seemed so easy. I even drew up a list of worthy groups, thinking that would spark great discussions as they grew up. First month, both wanted to give to the animal shelter for their weeks. Second month? Animal shelter. Third month? Mom and Dad took over again. No offense to puppies, but the hungry and homeless PEOPLE were getting no love from my kids. I’m still not sure we did the right thing. I wanted to encourage them to care and help someone, but I wanted it to be the same someone I wanted to help…
Hi there, I found your blog a little while ago but haven’t had a chance to comment yet. I didn’t have a name for it, but I guess we are “home-shuling” too – or at least trying to find our own way around the Jewish community. So it’s been wonderful reading about your adventures and thought process (and knowing I’m not the only one who finds herself buying strange processed k-for-pesah stuff that I would never so much as glance at the rest of the year)!
Regarding tzedaqah, I wish I had a good idea to contribute, but mostly I’m where you are. My son is still young (under 2), but I’m thinking that we may make contributing to the tzedaqah box a before-candle-lighting activity. I have a little bit of an aversion to connecting money and ritual, especially since I didn’t do this growing up (I have a hiloni-Israeli background), but it is traditional. We might do a “cause of the month” (Jewish month) type of thing and that way also increase our awareness of the Jewish calendar.
Part of it is just talking about it. Reframing what you are already doing, and what they have already been learning, into a jewish context.
Example: at the pharmacy last week, Beernut (my 8 yo son) saw some paper balloons from the Children’s Miracle Network on the counter and asked about them. Taken off-guard, I answered (somewhat reflexively), “it’s a tzedakah project they are doing here at Rite-Aid.” “Then we need to do it,” he responded. And as he walked away he said quietly, “I love giving tzedakah because it’s a mitzvah and I feel so proud when I listen to God.”
I can’t tell you exactly what we’ve been doing all of these years to evoke this response from him other than use Jewish terminology and let them see us do mitzvot.
I love the idea of getting the neighbourhood involved. And while it isn’t a halakhic Shabbos activity, it sure feels connected somehow.
Guess that’s just one more reason I’m a Reform Jewess…
Great job!!!
That’s a heartbreakingly sweet little story. Don’t you love when you get a chance to see that you are doing something right?
It makes up for all the moments that I’m convinced I’m doing many somethings wrong.
I will argue that this is a case of more Artscroll needed, less Jewish Lights. Although not in timing with the rest of the town, you and your girls could have delivered the bags on Sunday. In fact that could be a teaching to the rest of the non-Jewish world as well as your kids that actually for us the day of rest is Saturday, and this wonderful mitzvah-dich community-wide program (which is grand! which of course is a faith-based and Jewish practice stemming from all sorts of biblical mandates! tithing, giving to the poor, tzedakah, the corners of our fields, the soup kitchen, communal pot/tamchui, etc.!) doesn’t work for the Jews (from a religious tradition perspective). Our teen advisor suggested our Tikkun Olam Club kids distribute the bags, which was a Saturday activity, but I nixed the idea because of the mixed message of doing it on Shabbat.
I think the message of Shabbat is that we cease from EVEN social justice work (except in the case of saving a life) because hallavai/we should be doing it so intensely all week that on Shabbat we truly are able to “rest” from it.
p.s. This is not to imply in any way the value of such holy work as that project or any other tzedakah initiatives with our children… just about how to integrate it into our Shabbat consciousness and that of our children.
The bags were supposed to be delivered some time over the course of a whole week, so I can’t fault anyone but myself (and I’m not sure why the teen advisor wanted to do it davka on Saturday.) I don’t disagree with any part of your post – I only have to acknowledge that I am no longer traditionally shomer shabbat, and haven’t really come up with a new paradigm that works for my whole family, non-Jewish spouse/father included.
Of course you know that *I* couldn’t have delivered them on Sunday since I work the entire day at not one, but two, Hebrew schools.
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